Tag: Flash Fiction

Making Up Stuff

Photo by Ellie Burgin on Pexels.com

There are house elves in my basement. My therapist says this is a delusion. But, she’s not here at night when they clatter around in the kitchen making noise. My partner rolls her eyes. 

What makes them think the elves are not real? This is totally likely, aside from the fact that we have no basement and no decent place for an elf to set up housekeeping or raise a family. I ask you, how can dishes get done and meals cooked while I stay in bed dreaming? My therapist thinks it’s my partner and my partner agrees. They’re deluded. 

Mirror, Mirror

Photo by Max Andrey on Pexels.com

I expect he’s as bad as she was. They’re all the same. “Mirror, mirror.” They don’t ask my name. If they do, they never remember. Damn, here he comes. The fairest of them all. Gold skin, gold hair, gold picture frames. More like the fakest of them all.

The paunch is real. It’s the size of New Jersey. 

Queen Evil knew the truth. She was out for revenge as soon as she saw the real beauty standing behind her. I’ll tell him what he wants to hear. Or I’ll go so dark even his sparkly gold won’t  bring me back.

The News Went Straight to Her Waist

Photo by Ngakan eka on Pexels.com

Elsie was in such a rut. Doomscrolling was her go-to activity. Things changed with an e-mail. She’d won a weekend at a luxury spa. She woke in a fancy hotel, took a yoga class, and had donuts for breakfast with her personal trainer. 

The girl finished her yogurt. “Any trouble spots?”

Her tummy, always her tummy. The mound that amplified her waist had expanded recently. “I want a flatter stomach.” 

”You’re a stress eater.”

“How could you tell?”

The trainer said, “Your T-shirt.”

It said, “Hands off my junk food, you fascist.”

“We’ll start with your social media. Then, pilates.”

Lord Save Me

Photo by Angel Rondon on Pexels.com

After a downpour, the Stetson disintegrated into an ill-formed mess. The cowboy set it on the hatter’s counter. “A replacement. Free.”

In a nasal tone, the fastidiously dressed clerk said, “No guarantees.”

The cowboy pulled out his gun. “This here’s my guarantee.”

“This here’s my answer.”

The cowboy’s gun flew from his hand.  He hit the basement floor. Ominously, a trap door snapped shut above him. Blood trickled from his head.

The place smelled worse than the stockyards. In the dim light he saw sewing machines and skeletal workers manning them. Lord, oh Lord, what had he gotten himself into?

Tennis Anyone?

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

At night, she played tennis. It started innocently enough. It was raining and she couldn’t sleep. She took a few balls and thwacked them against the back wall of the garage. Retrieved them from under the car. The next night, she parked on the street. Next, she moved the workbench to the side yard. And so on and so on until she had the garage replaced with an enclosed tennis court. 

Her roommate was surprised. “Did you check with the landlord?” 

“About what?”

“Putting in a tennis court.”

“It’s a garage, a better version.”

“How?”

“It has a tennis court.”

Rabbits, Radish, Rap

Photo by Laura Lumimaa on Pexels.com

Few people knew that the famous rap singer was a radish farmer. Between tours she tended  three-acres in Mendocino. She did it for the bunnies. 

Most of her neighbors were pot farmers. They had turned the neighborhood into a bunny-free zone thanks to the crop they grew. Bunnies get very sick from THC. But the rap singer brought the bunnies back. 

Soon, they were stripping her radishes of their tops. The singer built a studio in the barn where bunnies danced the bunny hop and ate radishes. The singer’s new sound, munching and thumping, was a huge sensation.

Seal Up Evil in a Wooden Box

The Robert A. Heinlein memorial award, in wooden box by Unknown maker is licensed under CC-BY-NC-SA 4.0

Pandora breathed in the garden’s verbena scent. She breathed out a spell to quiet the unicorn and summon the dragon, then she rubbed the genie’s lamp. From the ground, she pulled a box so ancient and filled with grievance that it groaned. 

It had taken centuries to master herself well enough to undo the past. She was ready, with help from her friends, to reverse the mistakes she’d made as an impetuous youth. The four  breathed wishes into the box.

It roiled. Disease, pestilence, greed, slavery, the evils of the world poured in and settled together. Pandora closed the box.

Departed on St. Patrick’s Day.

Photo by RDNE Stock project on Pexels.com

Gillie wrinkled her nose. “It’s not magic.” What she meant was, the delicious taste of spring flowers and green hills was missing from her St. Patrick’s Day oatmeal. 

“It’s green,” her father said.

“Did you dye it?”

He swallowed hard. “Sorry.”

“Where’s our leprechaun friend?”

Her father produced a note from his pocket.

“I’m off to the motherland. It’s not safe here.”

“Did NICE deport him?”

“The witch hunts are over. Now they’re hunting leprechauns.”

Gillie pushed the bowl away. “They’re not nice. It’s opposites day every day.”

Her father wrapped her in a warm hug, powerless to do more.

Method Writing

Photo by Markus Winkler on Pexels.com

Though she covered politics at the Tribune, Jenny wrote nothing but romance.  Her approach came from a place of genuine empathy, perhaps because she was having an affair with the mayor of Topeka at the time. 

The mayor’s husband played along. He’d often wondered what was missing from his wife’s campaigns. Turned out Jenny was the secret sauce. Once she started following a candidate, they ended up in bed. This gave Jenny’s reporting authenticity and, being so close, she could  zero in on the candidate’s humanity.  It’s what the public wanted and Jenny’s motto was, “The  reader is always right.”

The New Orders

Photo by Luis Quintero on Pexels.com

Inside the church, Doris found a gift shop. A number of books, hats, mugs, and crypto coins stocked the shelves. A wizened old man sat at the counter. “Can I help you?”

Doris said, “Isn’t this the unemployment office?” 

“Everyone is employed. Everyone who wants to be.”

“I was laid off. They gave me this address.”

“What about a Bible? Our thoughts and prayers are in there.” His glassy stare put her off.

“Where can I pray, then?”

”Inside, to the right. There’s a soup kitchen in the basement, too. God be with you.”

The pews were empty, but the soup kitchen was full.