Drago hated the taste of princesses. So when his friend, Ash, promised to introduce him to one if he promised not to eat her, he agreed.
She smelled like the forest. Quite delicious. But he’d promised.
“The river is a good place to meet,” Drago said. “I mean, in case I burp.”
Ash said, “Drago….” at the same time the princess said, “Don’t you dare!”
“I’ll only fart.”
“Bet you can’t fart as many times as me,” said the princess.
Princess farts are disgusting. Drago held his breath. He flapped his wings, ascending to the heavens. He turned to stars.
Pussy was a musical cat. Sometimes the tabby played a lute and others a bagpipe. She yowled at pubs throughout the British Isles that bear the name Cat and Fiddle. Accompanists flocked to back her up.
Nine long lives she lived and nine again but cats grow old, as do we all. She retired to a barn in Cheshire, then to an old wishing well with one last request: a concert. Johnny Green gathered a band for Pussy’s last show. His father beat him. Said, “A better mouser never was nor will be.”
Pussy had nought but praise. T’was time.
Late as usual, HJ Rabbit sat down at the hookah bar and pulled in smoke, hiccuping and shedding huge tears.
Cheshire Cat materialized. “What took you so long?”
HJ snuffled into a linen handkerchief. “Couldn’t catch the queen.”
One-half of a smile appeared across the mushroom table. “You do know, she’s just a placeholder? Something of a nothing.”
The entire smile emerged. “So she’s easy to find.”
“However will we manage to do that?”
“You speed down x in real time. I’ll pop in and out of the imaginary axis. She never goes anywhere. We’ll meet her at zero.”
His Excellency, Herman Jay Rabbit, leaned against a case displaying all manner of timepieces, all keeping time at different speeds. Most of Wonderland had learned to live with this.
Rabbit had not. “My good sir, you have perverted time itself,” he said when the shopkeeper arrived from behind a brown curtain.
Fingering a loupe, he said, “I don’t know what you mean, sir.”
“I always seem to be late.”
“For whom,” asked the man.
The man said, “There’s no watch fast enough to keep up with the Queen.”
“But I must arrive on time.”
“You’ll need a calculator.”