Three Things to Carry When Hiking in the Sierras

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She always wore the silver-banded jade ring, hiked in the red shirt scrounged from a garage sale for two dollars. The color attracted hummingbirds that flashed color, buzzed sound, came dangerously close. They thought she was a flower. The shirt’s power, the contrast of tame jade and wild hummingbirds, the contradictions that lived inside her. Sometimes it scared her.

Her knife, an extension of her red-shirted arm, cut bread, spread peanut butter. Like the wild hummingbirds, she hovered on the edge of aggression, starved and looking for something to eat. The jade, it’s calming green, a promise to heal herself.

Brain Fog

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The garage is cluttered. Before I start, I need to organize.

But first, I should think things over. Clarity first.

Focus, clear these old magazines.

What’s the timer for? What’s that smell? Do I have something in the oven?

It’ll wait. Out to the recycling with these.

Pick up the mail. The Economist is having a laugh. Trump riding bareback, bare chest on Vlad’s polar bear. Wasn’t Vlad’s a horse? Bears in Greenland? So many interpretations.

Let me close the garage door.

What is that smell? Oh my god, I’ve burnt dinner again.

I think I need a glass of wine.

Things People Never Get Over

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“I’m at the airport.”

A deep fake? They’d talked this past week; she hadn’t mentioned a visit. “Who is this?”

“Don’t you recognize your mother’s voice?”

“Then, when did we last speak?”

“Saturday. Marcy left you and I’m here to help.”

“She’s having a midlife crisis. She just needs…”

“It’s not what she needs, it’s what you need. Pick me up, or I can get a Lyft.”

He’d made peace with his wife’s decision. His mother would give him the advice she wished she’d had when his father left. She wouldn’t notice the salt she was rubbing in his wounds.

The Subject is Words

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An avalanche of words slows. Letters pile to a stop. You sweep them into pages of prose, organize the words in sentences. The sentences describe familiar subjects. The subjects are coupled with tasty verbs that whet the appetite, the filling in a subject-object sandwich. Pair with a fruity adjective to finish.

Thoughts and feelings spring into paragraphs willy-nilly; words leap to the page in disorganized, repetitive chaos. It’s time to wind down and mine for meaning. A pot of gold waits at rainbow’s end. The end of patience, of an era, of the sentence, the end of the line. Edit.

Small Sins; Have Mercy

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Jack couldn’t afford the sensitive toothpaste. Not if he wanted to buy groceries for the kids. His teeth hurt so bad, though.

“Do you want it?” The clerk pointed at the toothpaste in the locked case.

Like it’s diamonds or something. “Let me see it.”

Another customer needed another case unlocked on another aisle.

“Why do you lock everything up?”

“Store policy. Put it back if you don’t want it.”

It might not work. Jack’s stomach rumbled. The guy trusts me. Or doesn’t care. Or sees I need it.

They locked Jack up. But not before he’s brushed his teeth.

Third Eye, Third Way

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My third eye started as a zit in the middle of my forehead. It popped. A stream of foul smelling doom scrolls, news stories, and government edicts covered my face. The mess came off in the shower, but the wound required dressing changes for weeks.

I got wise. A diet of cozy mysteries, poetry, eighteenth century women’s novels, and Buddhist philosophy cleared my mind of junk. Zen koans had a cleansing effect, so much so that I started doing yoga and meditation.

My third eye emerged. My brain contained the cosmos. My food for thought: the restful sounds of mantras.

Minnesota Nice Meet Minnesota ICE.

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Good said, “I’m not mad at you.” 
ICE said, “Fucking bitch.” Then he shot her. 
What would Freud say? 
Opposing instincts, 
Eros, the life force versus Thanatos, the death force. 

Comity versus violence. 
Consensus versus fascism.
What would Jesus say?
Turn the other cheek.
Like Martin Luther King, like Mahatma Gandhi, like Jesus himself.

What would George Harris III say?
Flower Power. Carry a carnation. Insert it into the barrel of a soldier’s gun. 
Hope they’re so surprised they forget to shoot you. 
But I’m mad. I want to bloody curse.
Choose life, choose love.

Don’t be mad, be transformative.

Sitting For a Haircut When Labor Starts

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“Cut it short. This might be my last haircut for a while .”

Another contraction, then they stopped. Like the baby knew we needed to get this done.

Was this the best use of time? Could I have done without it? But it wasn’t the haircut I wanted. I wanted to tie up all the loose ends in my life in a neat bow.  I wanted to be ready to give my all to this baby.

At REI I bought a blouse. One that wasn’t meant for a pregnant person. And then I was ready. At least, I thought I was.

Oh Lord, Let Me Be the Person My Answering Machine Thinks I Am.

I’d like to change the message on my answering machine, but I want to do it myself. Why? Imagine if I asked for help. First, who even has an answering machine? And second, I would have to decide who to include in the message.

My kids have moved away, but the answering machine has no idea. Will it feel betrayed when it finds out? Will it wonder how long it’s been living a lie. Even I can’t remember.

Better outsource the problem. Maybe I’ll win a recording on Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me. My answering machine won’t question Paula Poundstone.

It’s Better to Flip a Coin

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They were compatible except for different ideas about where to vacation. She wanted a cruise on the Rhine. He preferred the Nile. She wanted to visit a democracy. He said that Egypt is a democracy, but they both knew better. She wanted to leave her raincoat at home. He said, “Then Egypt is the place to go.”

The negotiations lasted for a week. Every evening, they huddled separately with their phones. Their conversations were revealing. They were determined to compromise; also to keep trying for their vacation choice and win the other’s heart. In the end, they flipped a coin.