Cockney Shrew

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“Bright and breezy, ham and cheesy,”1 I says to him. Big fellow he were. Blimey! He were a bit Mum and Dad2. So I steps away. He’s talking with a Gooseberry Puddin’3, a right attractive bird. She’s Toby Tugging4 a suitcase and he’s going all Wayne Rooney5 on her. He says, “Come back and Jabberwok6.” If only he’d see how it looks. Needs a ‘Enry7. A big, fat doobie. Might calm him some. Lor’ luv a duck. Kept i’ ter meself. Bear’s Paw8 ‘e were a cop. Nuff said.

1  Easy

2  Mad

3  Woman

4  Lugging

5  Looney

6  Talk

7  Marijuana (an eighth)

8  I saw

Shrew Sonnet

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At night I reach for you, but you’re not there.

I wait, hear heels that tap across the floor.

It must, most certain be a trap, a snare,

Cruel trick, the phantom step beyond the door.

 

In breathless trepidation do I wait

For you, just you, no’ne else but you will do.

“I do,” the words I’ve spoken much too late

To bind our troth and make our life anew.

 

Dear Kate, I beg, please come to me again.

With heaving bosom, dance with me a turn.

Such perfect grace together we attain

That even Rose, her favor we might earn.

 

Alas, I wish that this were but a dream,

In fact, I fear it’s all that it doth seem.

One Taming, Three Versions

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Shrew:
An omelet,
A suitcase,
A change of clothes and then a meal.
Maybe.
A sonnet,
An altercation, with the consequence that she leaves.
Again.
Cool chick changes, reverts to wasp
“An omelet, bonny Kate? And sit.”
“On a moveable? It will not bear me.”
“I mean to bear thee.”
“Don’t go all Shakespeare on me,
I gotta go.”
But then she said
She would not come
Into my bed.
I said, “Your mum,
I wish her dead.”
She whacked my bum
I grasped her head
She said, “You dumb
Ass, don’t you tread
On me.”