We’ve Cornered the Market in Tragedy

Fall colors pull me into the corner boutique. Rich burgundy, rust, and hints of black, abstract shapes intertwine, chase an Asiatic pattern over the five foot silk length. I’m in love. When I wrap the scarf three times around my neck, the sales lady says, “It suits you. You have a long neck. A dancer’s neck.” I’m not a dancer. I have two left feet. But I take it because the colors perfectly suit the melancholy of the fall day. On the sidewalk outside, there’s a newspaper in the box at the corner. The headline reads, “People’s Temple: Mass Suicide.”

All of Paris is a Museum

We came to Paris for the museums. L’Orangerie in the Tuilleries, Musée Marmottan, Musée de Cluny. We walked everywhere; it’s a small city. First stop was Gallerie Lafayette. “It’s like a museum,” she said.

“No,” I said. “It’s a department store. See the price tags.”

When she approached the register with full shopping bags, I asked, “How will you pack these home?”

“I’ll need a suitcase.” So she bought one. At the Cluny, she browsed the gift shop until nearly closing. She purchased a full set of pillow covers on the Lady and Unicorn theme. That was the first day.

Brain Fog

The garage is cluttered. Before I start, I need to organize.

But first, I should think things over. Clarity first.

Focus, clear these old magazines.

What’s the timer for? What’s that smell? Do I have something in the oven?

It’ll wait. Out to the recycling with these.

Pick up the mail. The Economist is having a laugh. Trump riding bareback, bare chest on Vlad’s polar bear. Wasn’t Vlad’s a horse? Bears in Greenland? So many interpretations.

Let me close the garage door.

What is that smell? Oh my god, I’ve burnt dinner again.

I think I need a glass of wine.

Small Sins; Have Mercy

Jack couldn’t afford the sensitive toothpaste. Not if he wanted to buy groceries for the kids. His teeth hurt so bad, though.

“Do you want it?” The clerk pointed at the toothpaste in the locked case.

Like it’s diamonds or something. “Let me see it.”

Another customer needed another case unlocked on another aisle.

“Why do you lock everything up?”

“Store policy. Put it back if you don’t want it.”

It might not work. Jack’s stomach rumbled. The guy trusts me. Or doesn’t care. Or sees I need it.

They locked Jack up. But not before he’s brushed his teeth.

Advice from an Older Me to My Six Year-old Self

I traveled in time to my sixth birthday party. I spoke with my younger self. “Psst. It’s hard to wait when you’re six.”

“Yeah, it’s not fair. It’s my birthday. I’m last in line for all the games. My aunt said I should get to go first, but Dad won’t listen to anyone.

“Relax. Life is waiting in lines. You’ll learn to notice what’s important. You’ll see; that’s your superpower.”

“I’m mad and I’m sad.”

“You’ll remember the party that way. But learning to wait is valuable, even when you think waiting isn’t worth it. Also, Dad’s not always right.”

Contemplating the Future with a Roof over My Head.

Men with pitchforks remove the roof. Outside, tarpaper shreds cover the ground around the house. A few shingles made it down, too. In one short week, our roof will be guaranteed to last for another 30 years.

I will be 104 when this new roof is old enough to be replaced. I’ll be barely hanging on, more likely gone.

My children plan to keep the house. Such faith. In thirty years this house could stand on a desert or a flood plain. There might be no house. It’s silly to speculate. The future is not guaranteed; but the roof is.

What to Bring for Writer’s Workshop

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Packing list: 

Five outfits that try, but not too hard
Light jacket
Late night reading snacks
Late night reading
Extra pillow for maximum comfort
Decent sleep
Talking points
Listening ears
“Yes, and,” improv
Elevator speech for work in progress
Courage 
Pages and pages of stories, read and absorbed
Positive outlook
Notebook for lectures
Crosswords for downtime
Laptop
iPad
Paper
Pen
Yoga mat
Intention 
What will I bring to each day, what can I take from each day, what will I give to others each day
Small talk
Significant talk
Insight
Creative grit
Sturdy walking shoes 
Walk in others shoes
Breathe

A Boy Lost My Glove

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Bunny tail, soft and furry warm,
The boy insisted that I keep it.
Who knows what it meant to him.
He had so little.

The boy insisted that I keep it.
The best apology he could make.
He had so little;
It seemed like a huge sacrifice;

The best apology he could make.
I told him words were enough;
It seemed like a huge sacrifice,
The guilt another blow to his fragile ego.

I told him words were enough.
Who knows what it meant to him,
The guilt another blow to his fragile ego,
Bunny tail, soft and furry warm.

Mold From Outer Space is Growing in Her Bathroom

It started as a small patch of mold in the corner of the shower. She meant to clean it before she went to Chicago on business, but then the trip was moved up and her toddler had an ear infection. So many things to do and so little sleep.

On the plane she remembered the mold. She called her husband, but he didn’t pick up. Her phone overflowed with messages when she landed. Her family had fled. The paper published above the fold pictures of infected mold and space aliens. She was completely amazed. She’d never had a green thumb.

Chekhov’s Gun Meets Occam’s Razor

Mary’s gone crackers. It’s her husband’s fault. Occam thinks the world is an orderly place. He believes in simple, direct solutions.

Mary disagrees, she believes in Chekhovian twists and turns. What’s more, she expects that if there is a gun, it will go off in the end. She is correct.

Mary bought a gun safe for the pistol that belonged to Occam’s grandfather. For months, she nagged Occam to lock it up. She pleaded, she threatened. The simplest solution was to stow it herself. She looked everywhere for the gun, only to find Occam out shooting at zigzagging jack rabbits.

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